So I’m opening a new box of Glad® Cling Wrap and taking note of its interesting and comprehensive features as I do.

The pull-away cardboard closure to initially open the box seems remarkably good as these things go. It comes away in one easy pull. I note with satisfaction the Stick Spot™ where the free end of the cling wrap goes to stick so it doesn’t retract back into the box in a mess. I approve. I start pulling the Easy Start® Tab and am pleased with how easy this is even in my sleepy, somewhat addled state. As the roll tries to pop out of the box, I realize there are conveniently placed Roll Tabs® at each end of the box, and I wonder why they aren’t pushed into place before the box leaves the factory, but I do so.

As I happily return to pulling the Easy Start® Tab out of the box, I drag my pinky finger across the invisible Cut You Bad™ blade on the bottom of the box, make a most unmanly squeal, and go off to the bathroom to stop the bleeding and apply a Band-Aid® brand bandage.

Glad® Cling Wrap’s slogan is “Clings Tight without a Fight!™” but I can assure you it kicked my ass in less than 30 seconds.