GLOBADOM

Chris Rock cracks a good joke about his accountants (the two huge guys from before) wanting a word with Sean Penn.

Ooh. Best Foreign Lanugage goes to another assisted-suicide film! Woo!

Kaufman cops a Best Original Screenplay for “Eternal Sunshine.” Short speech. I missed it. Rebecca says it was quite funny.

TLO thinks they should have a ticker under the speeches with the thank-yous. then they can give good speeches.

Sean Penn is having a major breakdown on stage or something. And it’s really lame. Is he drunk, or just deep? Nah, drunk.

He’s introducing best actress. Will the abortion movie or the euthanasia movie win? Oh, it could be the drug smuggler movie. It’s Swank! And her dress has no back! And nearly no butt! And she’s giving a minor-breakdown actress speech. Not as fun as a Berry meltdown, but it’s not too bad. No, boring thankathon devolution. Zzzzz. She just thanked her trainers and sparring partners. Now, she’s trying to remember who else to thank. Ahh! Mom, her agents! Thank-off perfecta! She thanked her lawyers! Perfect super-boring thankyou speech! She shouted her thanks to her publicist over the orchestra. Gah!

Puff Daddy introducing the Polar Express song, sung by Beyonce and Josh Groban. Beyonce’s best dress yet. Rebecca points out that if you listen to Groban’s CD, you get the voice without having to see him. I still like the French song the best, but TLO favours this one. I just like French folk music.

Prince: second creepiest singer, after Michael Jackson.

Ugh. The song from “The Motorcycle Diaries” won. We’re all bored. But the guy who won the award is singing beautifully in Spanish. Best speech of the night! Mike agrees.

Annette Bening has mysteriously huge trapezius muscles. And Yo-Yo Ma is playing cello. Yeah. Oh. He’s playing over the reel of the dead: Reagan, Ustinov, people I’ve never heard of, Fay Wray, some agent, others, a Disney animator, Russ Meyer!! jerry Orbach, unknowns, Janet Leigh, Reeve, Ozzie Davis, nobodies, an inventor, Paul “Roots” Winfield, others, Dangerfield, nobody, Tony Randall, someone, and Brando.

The cello work was good. That’s what happens when you hire the best cellist in the world for your industry function.

Scorsese is introducing an award for . . . humanitarianism in film-making? It calls to mind the idea of cruel film-making. It’s being given to Roger Mayer for achievements in film preservation and medical philanthropy towards people in the film industry. This is rather muchly Inside Hollywood, but hey, it’s their awards show. I’m just watching it.

The speech at least seems to be telling the story of the organizations he has worked for in winning this award.

Travolta is introducing the best score award. Mike admits to having seen “Battlefield Earth” in theatres. Oh dear.

“Finding Neverland” scores. Get it? At least the winner speaks heavily accented English. That always makes the speech funnier. No wait, his is a thankathon. He even thanks Harvey Weinstein. Which was sort of funny, but mostly just dull.

The Short Doc winners are scaring me. The producer guy is just strange, and giving a lousy thankathon. Send the music! Better: they cut their microphone. Rock busts with a John Kerry joke. That’s low.

Carlos Santana on guitar, Antonio Banderas on vocals. I am predisposed to like this. Ooh, motorcycle on the stage. Santana looks rather like Che. Mike says Santana is “showing up the singer” with his guitar work. I agree. I think I still like the French song best.

Mike says he likes Charo’s guitar-playing better. He’s not being funny.

Rock brings out the biggest men I have ever seen. He introduces Cruz and Hayek as the “next four presenters.” Naughty boy. But it disproves something I thought: These women are not the same person. They’re just clones.

At least the sound mixing winners get to be all the way up on stage. Ray wins. I guess because it has music, but I haven’t seen any of these films. First guy hogs the mic, and gives a boring thank-off. One other guy gets to thank two people, rest of the winners get no mic time.

Sound editing is up next. I think they just nominated the same four movies. So the mixing was best on “Ray”, but “The Incredibles” had the best sound editing. Good line! Winner explains why editing is an artistic award, not a technical award.

They can’t get rid of Salma Hayek, who is now introducing the fourth song of the night, from “The Motorcycle Diaries.”

Best Cinematography: House of Flying Dagges wuz robbed! And probably the Passion, too. The cinematographer for “A Very Long Engagement” was nominated too. He made Audrey Tatou look cute. I’m not impressed. The winner just thanked the medical staff who are keeping his mom alive. Um, in this context, I don’t care.